Dane Cook Comments on Photoshopped Poster

Comic Dane Cook has a new movie coming out, but he isn't happy with the poster, as he makes clear on his personal blog. I hate bad photoshopping, and Cook's comments are pretty funny: 1. Graphics: Whoever photoshopped our poster must have done so at taser point with 3 minutes to fulfill their hostage takers deranged obligations. They should have called Donnie Hoyle and had him give a tutorial using You Suck at Photoshop templates. This is so glossy it makes Entertainment Weekly look wooden. 2.

Comic Dane Cook has a new movie coming out, but he isn't happy with the poster, as he makes clear on his personal blog. I hate bad photoshopping, and Cook's comments are pretty funny:

1. Graphics: Whoever photoshopped our poster must have done so at taser point with 3 minutes to fulfill their hostage takers deranged obligations. They should have called Donnie Hoyle and had him give a tutorial using "You Suck at Photoshop" templates. This is so glossy it makes Entertainment Weekly look wooden. 2. My head: The left side of my face seems to be melting off of my skull. I guess I am looking directly into the Ark of the Covenant? Are they going for the bells palsy thing here? My left side looks like Brittany Spears' vagina. 3. The Stare. My character apparently has fallen in love with a strand of Kate Hudsons hair. Kate's mannequin is desperately in love with the inside of my right ear while Jason is half stunned, half corsage. 4. Lips: It looks like I'm wearing Maybelline Water Shine Diamonds Liquid Lipstick. My characters name is now Winter Solstice and I'm a hooker with a heart of gold. Jason is my floral carrying pimp, while Kate is my first trick! 5. Fashion: My character is sporting a very high collar I mean damn they should be snow capped at that altitude. It's going for the vampire lurking in the castle basement vibe. An Olympic pole vaulter would have a tough go clearing that collar. I'm also able to turn my head comfortably 180 degrees, because I was raised in an abandoned barn by a family of owls.

Go here to read his entire post. Nah, I probably won't see this movie, either.--David Schonauer