Pain Beams and Other Studio Upgrades

I’ve been scanning tech sites this morning and I’ve turned up several interesting articles that I think photographers could apply to their own workspaces. For instance, all photographers need state-of-the-art security to guard all that expensive equipment. And the latest in security is having your very own pain beam. This is not vaporware I’m talking about—you can get it now. The device, shown here, is technically known as ADS, for Active Denial System.

I've been scanning tech sites this morning and I've turned up several interesting articles that I think photographers could apply to their own workspaces.
For instance, all photographers need state-of-the-art security to guard all that expensive equipment. And the latest in security is having your very own pain beam. This is not vaporware I'm talking about—you can get it now. The device, shown here, is technically known as ADS, for Active Denial System. It stops intruders by flooding them with waves of intense, intolerable pain, described as being akin to "stepping into a furnace." The ADS uses microwaves that create a burning sensation—but here's the great part: It doesn't do any lasting damage, because the burn only heats the outer portion of the skin. I'm getting one for my home today. Hope my 14-year-old son doesn't forget about it when he comes home from school.
What if you are on the wrong side of some high-tech weaponry? Say, for example, you have a studio in Manhattan and a dirty bomb goes off. You'll be happy to know that Radiation Shield Technologies of Miami, Florida has acquired patents for Demron, the world's first nuclear radiation-blocking fabric. As far as I can tell from these articles, the Demron is not effective against pain beams, however, so you're good there.
On a far less dangerous but far annoying front, there is good news for all of us who have ever parked our cars in giant parking lots and then forgotten where they are. You can try hitting the alarm button on your key remote, but your car sounds like everyone else's. Now Chevrolet has developed K.I.T.T.Y., The Loc8tor, which allows you to program any sound you want into your car alarm. A camera shutter click? (Too subtle.) A motor drive sound? (Too old-fashioned.) I'd go with Angelina Jolie's voice saying, "Here I am, Dave. Come get me."
Life isn't all about security of course (unless your studio is in Manhattan). Your work area also needs comfort and entertainment options, especially for edgy clients. Got your back there too, my friends: This article lists the 33 best beer pong tables now available.
Finally, if none of this appeals to you, I can offer one last piece of good news: Apple has now officially raised the ration of iPhones available to individuals from two to five.
--David Schonauer

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